break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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