I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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