Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
