she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
