No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
