The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
