There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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