There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
