I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
