maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
