I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
