If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
