You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
