hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
