His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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