I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I didn't shave. On purpose
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
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