you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
