I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
