If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
