you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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