Screwed.edu
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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