i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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