Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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