I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
