But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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