i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
