somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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