Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
