I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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