you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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