I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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