i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
