is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
