This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
