never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
3pm strippers are depressing
This is the high leading the old right now
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
