so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
