But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
