Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
