If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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