So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
