did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize