dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
