You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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