So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
