i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
