I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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