after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
