yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
