then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
