Screwed.edu
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Ketchup is God's man juice
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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