Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
