Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize