he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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