I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Randomize
