i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize