We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
