Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
