you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
