May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize