i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
