just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
