how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
