This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
