i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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