Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
