She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
