I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize