matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize