She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
