My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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