Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
